Posts Tagged ‘sun’

Peeing Sitting Down 5-15-11

Where is it written that men have to pee standing up?   Around a year ago, I started sitting down when I peed at home.  There are a few reasons for this.  First, I can’t stand a dirty home.  One day the sun was shining through my bathroom window at the perfect angle as I was peeing, I saw how much pee splashed out of the toilet and onto my walls and floor using the traditional male pee in the standing position.  I’m the type of person who realizes his toilet walls are coated with urine.  Second, I like comfort and there is always a trade magazine or something to read in my bathroom, and I might get lucky and have to poop also.  Why miss this opportunity?   So, I pee sitting down when I’m at my own house now.

My bathroom is much spiffier now that I sit down to pee.  There are no pee drips on the floor in front of the toilet and the rim is always sparkly clean.  Moreover, the seat is always down.  I should be given an award from the International League of Women.  My wife tells me that I am a superior male specimen.  This is bathroom behavior befitting the perfect man she tells me.  We’ve all overheard women talking about how gross men’ s bathrooms are and men know they are right, but until now there was nothing we could do to help.  Now I consider myself a leader in promoting a new American bathroom hygiene paradigm.

I now feel entitled to encourage my male guests to sit when they pee at my house, but my wife gets livid when she hears this.  She thinks it’s over reaching to tell guests how to behave in my bathroom.  It’s a topic that needs to be discussed though.  Maybe I should start a Facebook page preaching the benefits of sitting down to pee.  I could get a million fans for my page.  Unfortunately, the American male may need more time to evolve, and they’d probably all be women plus me.