Posts Tagged ‘bathroom’

Peeing Sitting Down 5-15-11

Where is it written that men have to pee standing up?   Around a year ago, I started sitting down when I peed at home.  There are a few reasons for this.  First, I can’t stand a dirty home.  One day the sun was shining through my bathroom window at the perfect angle as I was peeing, I saw how much pee splashed out of the toilet and onto my walls and floor using the traditional male pee in the standing position.  I’m the type of person who realizes his toilet walls are coated with urine.  Second, I like comfort and there is always a trade magazine or something to read in my bathroom, and I might get lucky and have to poop also.  Why miss this opportunity?   So, I pee sitting down when I’m at my own house now.

My bathroom is much spiffier now that I sit down to pee.  There are no pee drips on the floor in front of the toilet and the rim is always sparkly clean.  Moreover, the seat is always down.  I should be given an award from the International League of Women.  My wife tells me that I am a superior male specimen.  This is bathroom behavior befitting the perfect man she tells me.  We’ve all overheard women talking about how gross men’ s bathrooms are and men know they are right, but until now there was nothing we could do to help.  Now I consider myself a leader in promoting a new American bathroom hygiene paradigm.

I now feel entitled to encourage my male guests to sit when they pee at my house, but my wife gets livid when she hears this.  She thinks it’s over reaching to tell guests how to behave in my bathroom.  It’s a topic that needs to be discussed though.  Maybe I should start a Facebook page preaching the benefits of sitting down to pee.  I could get a million fans for my page.  Unfortunately, the American male may need more time to evolve, and they’d probably all be women plus me.

Male pattern baldness 5-12-11

One more irrefutable piece of evidence that I am growing older is my receding hairline.  When looking straight at a mirror, I can fool myself that I still have hair.  I still have good hair days but it seems that I have more and more bad hair days. I like to think I still have close to a full head of hair and it is only slightly receding, but it is getting harder to fool myself.

I always want to know the unvarnished truth about myself, but yet, I really don’t.  Well today, I got irrefutable proof of exactly where my hair line is.  I was at a house painting estimate and I saw the top of my head.  Lucky me.

I was at a mansion in Bel Air and I entered the master bathroom as part of the overall house estimate.  It had mirrors on the vaulted part of the ceiling and the flat part of his ceiling is also mirrored. This configuration of mirrors gave me an absolute perfect sighting of the top of my head from the looking down position.  Basically, I got to see the top of my head the way it really is.

It’s not bad enough that I actually see my male pattern baldness, my reality is even more depressing; the top of my head is balding unevenly.  Of all my fantasies that I’m not really balding so quickly, I never thought that I would be balding unevenly.  The right side is balding back further than my left side and the front is really thin too.  Geeze!  I’m not one of those guys who looks good partially bald.   How much longer it will be until I have to shave my head?    Another middle aged milestone I had hoped to avoid has irrefutably arrived.