Crack for Me 7-2-12
Crack is the most addictive form of cocaine. Fat and Sloppy has his own form of crack cocaine; Post Fruity Pebbles. I’ve long considered Fruity Pebbles the most difficult cereal to resist in the universe of breakfast food products. I don’t always eat them, but when I do, it’s the entire box with a half gallon of milk while watching “The Price is Right”.
My wife sent me to the Westwood Village Ralph’s grocery store earlier tonight to get formula and milk for the kids; among other things on a long list. I spent nearly an hour hunting for the items she wanted. Next time she makes me a shopping list, she should make it according to the grocery store isles instead of a random list. I orbited the store 15 times searching for everything she wanted.
Fruity Pebbles always tempt me when I go to the store and I usually ignore them. Tonight, I don’t know why, but the temptation was too much. At first I couldn’t locate them in the cereal isle. Maybe, I thought, they had been outlawed. Finally, after scouring the isle a second time, I found them. While leaning in to grab the Fruity Pebbles, I saw the Cocoa Pebbles, its sister cereal, and was conflicted. Which one should I buy? Why is it that even when I know exactly what I’m after, when presented with a slightly different alternative, I have to stop and decide again?
After standing in front of the Pebble boxes for far too long, I selected the Fruity Pebbles. As I leaned in again to grab the small box I noticed the FAMILY SIZE box. Aha! Another decision, which means more deliberating. Why is it so hard to get a box of cereal? I stood there and compared the price per ounce, I thought about purchasing the smaller size to minimize my Fruity Pebble gluttony; which size would I choose? The family size box was the better deal and it promised to “rock my whole mouth.” That was it–I bought it.
As I went through the check out, checker made small talk and mentioned our shared love of Fruity Pebbles. We knowingly nodded to each other; the same kind of nod and smile that two guys silently give each other right after a smoking hot woman walks by. That nod is always done behind her back. After checking out, I was on my way home.
The wife and I have set roles for putting away groceries. I bring them to the kitchen and she unpacks the bags and puts everything away. While she was commenting on how she should never let me do the shopping because I “just don’t do it right,” I quietly removed the box of Fruity Pebbles from one of the bags and put it in the den; away from my wife. She’s become a candy confiscator and I was sure to lose this box of Fat and Sloppy crack if she spotted it.
Tomorrow, after the wife goes off with the kids, I’ll sneak back from work and eat my box of Fruity Pebbles in peace.