Posts Tagged ‘food’

Freezing 3-27-11

Being fat and sloppy is often the main topic of conversation with my friends; even when we are at a restaurant.  Listening to my friends talk about diet, one would believe them to be diet and weight loss experts.  No one couldn’t tell by looking at them though.  I eagerly listen to their diet theories with rapt attention, drinking in the wisdom of my buddies. 

Most of the diet talk centers on eliminating carbs and sugars from the diet.  They tell me that magical thinning that happens when we eliminate those items.  These things even I have heard about before.  Last Saturday night, I spent an hour in a car with three slob friends listening to their best current strategies for losing weight. 

Turns out that my friends, while not eating sugary, fried and high calorie foods, are at the cutting edge of the science of calorie loss, and stay up to date on scientific literature about the best weight loss theories.  They inform me that the best diet is cold water.  Not drinking it; but taking long showers in it.  I know real men take cold showers and Navy Seals do too, but I’m not stupid.  They can’t convince me to do that. 

Losing weight can be done in only 10 minutes a day twice a week they insist.  They presented a compelling case that the energy required while shivering in freezing water will cause me to lose weight.  This is what my buddies say and I believe them. 

Since I told them I wouldn’t take cold showers, they recomended I stand in a swimming pool and let the pounds roll off me.  That advice struck me as reasonable.  So, I’ll ask my neighbor if I can stand in his unheated pool for 10 minutes a couple times a week.  

I can picture myself in the pool, shivering and losing weight.  How easy!  I then imagine total strangers coming up to me and ask me how is it that I look so good.  I’ll beam with pride and smile.   I won’t tell them anything, I’ll keep my little secret to myself. 

Before I get started, I have to ask my friends how to get the courage to jump into and sit in someone’s freezing pool for 10 minutes.