Two Nations. 4-19-11

Fat and Sloppies are an ungraceful bunch.   Because we choose inactivity, nose to the grindstone work ethic, and tasty diet over exercise and eating right, our thighs rub and our backs are out of whack.  The physics of carrying an unwieldy blubber packet doesn’t allow us to walk a straight line either.

I thought about this as I spent ten minutes watching an obese woman pathetically try to enter the hotel pool.  I noticed her uniquely shaped round cellulite body as she approached the pool deliberating on an entrance strategy.  I quietly ruminated that she isn’t the typical wealthy looking hotel client. It was heartbreaking to watch her because I imagined I might be watching my future.

She wanted to swim, but couldn’t figure out how to get into the pool.  The pool stair system in this foreign hotel was made only for thin, graceful people.  This fat woman couldn’t use the stairs.  She had to lay down on the ground and try to roll into the pool.

She tried every way to lower herself into the pool.  She couldn’t even climb down the stairs because her arms were too weak and her body was too heavy.  She held onto the metal railing trying to lower herself face first, that didn’t work.  Then she tried to lower herself butt first, but that didn’t work.  She kept slowly turning around like a dog chasing its tail.  Still she couldn’t get in.

I wanted to offer help but what was I to do?  Others watching this drama had concerned looks on their faces.  I was engrossed in real life Fat and Sloppy theater watching this woman attempting to get into the pool.  My daughter jarred me from this trance when she asked me, “Daddy, what is that lady doing?”  Almost everyone on the pool deck had watched this spectacle.

Finally, with a splat noise that fat makes when it hits wet ground, I look over and see the woman plopped down on the ground. She decided she would roll into the pool.

Once she was safely in the pool, I looked up at the other people at the pool and noticed that the thin ones walk normally and the fat and sloppy ones all had something wrong with their walk.  I’ll be verifying my theory in the next days, but I already know I’m correct; and I’ve discovered that two nations inhabit America.  One nation wants to be thin again and the other will become Fat and Sloppy as they enter middle age.