I have the best father-in-law in the world. \u00a0He likes me and I like him. \u00a0 Eight years ago, he proposed to me by telling me I had to marry his daughter. \u00a0I did. \u00a0We visit him every few weeks and he pays for gas, groceries, and restaurants when we are by him.<\/p>\n
There are no problems in my and my father-in-law’s relationship except one. \u00a0He lives in a cheaply constructed house. \u00a0I’m in construction (a house painter) and know bad work when I see it. \u00a0Whomever designed and built his house should be put in the Idiots Hall of Fame. \u00a0 The Three Stooges couldn’t come up with the stupidities that this house has. \u00a0Every light switch is behind the door. \u00a0There is a five foot square bathroom with three doors that open up into it. \u00a0How can that be? \u00a0I have to close the other two just to open the one. \u00a0If I wanted to make money, I could sell tickets to his house as The Museum of the Stupidest House Ever Built.<\/p>\n
His poorly built house has inserted a question mark into me and my father-in-law’s special relationship. \u00a0It seems that \u00a0my wife (his daughter) has branded me a “toilet clogger,” and no matter who clogs the toilet, everyone accuses me of doing it. \u00a0I’ll admit, I have clogged my share of domestic and international toilets, but I plunged this one and it shouldn’t have overflowed. \u00a0Seems my wife forgot that the toilet didn’t work, used it, loaded it, and flushed this toilet. \u00a0It flowed all over the second floor and poured down through the light fixture into the dining room. \u00a0How appetizing!<\/p>\n
My father-in-law, a man in his mid 80’s, is a proud do-it-yourselfer. He lifted the toilet from the bathroom floor and carried it outside. \u00a0He isn’t a delicate man and things that bother me don’t bother him. \u00a0So, he didn’t care when the toilet sloshed it’s contents on the carpet as he manhandled it down the staircase. \u00a0 There was some kind of primitive male one upsmanship going on here. \u00a0He shot me a look as he dragged the toilet downstairs.<\/p>\n
The toilet sat on his front lawn the entire weekend for all the neighbors in the cul-de-sac to see and admire. \u00a0It also sat there proudly as a monument to the fragile state of our once strong bond.<\/p>\n
Since my wife is my father-in-laws only daughter, she is perfect in his eyes. \u00a0Blame quickly turned to me as the clogger. \u00a0I insisted it wasn’t me who caused the trouble. \u00a0The only problem with his toilet was his daughter, but I wasn’t about to turn her in. \u00a0He was adamant that I was to blame and started to treat me differently.<\/p>\n
His whole family (many cousins were at the house that weekend) argued about causation and blame. \u00a0Finally I suggested that an autopsy be performed on the toilet. \u00a0My wife agreed that this was the only way to find out if the toilet was defective or someone (fat and sloppy) clogged it. \u00a0Sometime later, when no one noticed, my father-in-law took a hammer to the back of the toilet and broke it open.<\/p>\n
I didn’t see or hear the results of the autopsy. \u00a0My father-in-law didn’t say another word about it. \u00a0My wife didn’t say anything either. \u00a0Maybe it was me, maybe it wasn’t. \u00a0Either way, that problem causing toilet is dead and gone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I have the best father-in-law in the world. \u00a0He likes me and I like him. \u00a0 Eight years ago, he proposed to me by telling me I had to marry his daughter. \u00a0I did. \u00a0We visit him every few weeks and he pays for gas, groceries, and restaurants when we are by him. There are […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[163,207,54,164,208,209,162,210,161,77],"class_list":["post-743","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-theamericanmale","tag-construction","tag-cul-de-sac","tag-duct-tape","tag-house","tag-house-painter","tag-museum","tag-plumber","tag-three-stooges","tag-toilet","tag-wife"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/743","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=743"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/743\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":745,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/743\/revisions\/745"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=743"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=743"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=743"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}