Maybe because\u00a0I’ve been\u00a0working out for the last few days, I took a dump this morning.\u00a0\u00a0Even a\u00a0morning dump is a\u00a0welcome development in my middle aged stressed out life.\u00a0 Unfortunately, that private and somewhat special event wasn’t private this time.<\/p>\n
As what felt like a glass studded tree stump slowly and painfully\u00a0emerge\u00a0from my rectum, I was robbed of my man moment\u00a0when my wife\u00a0flitted into the bathroom to happily list her days activities\u00a0for me.\u00a0\u00a0 I didn’t request a listing of her daily activities and told her to leave the room.<\/p>\n
What I find\u00a0hard to understand isn’t\u00a0that my anal sphincter quickly recovers from\u00a0this trauma, or that my\u00a0wife feels\u00a0that\u00a0I’m not entitled to any privacy, \u00a0but how my wife always wants to talk to me when I should be unavailable to her.\u00a0\u00a0Is it her or all women who don’t understand? \u00a0I consistently have to banish her from my presence when I’m unloading my packed colon, how many times\u00a0do we have to go through this exercise?\u00a0 Is there something in the\u00a0wife constitution that makes her want to be near me during this special man time?<\/p>\n
My\u00a0turd dramas don’t concern her and she happily tells me all the little things she\u00a0has scheduled\u00a0today. \u00a0 After I finally got rid of her and looked forward to\u00a0finishing up\u00a0what I like to call “my quiet moments,” my daughter walks in holding her nose.\u00a0 Now she has some questions for me.\u00a0 I couldn’t order her away as I did my wife, and I\u00a0answered her questions.<\/p>\n
She told me to put down my magazine to hear what she had to say. \u00a0Maybe this is where little girls learn that they can speak to men in the middle of the quintessential man activity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Maybe because\u00a0I’ve been\u00a0working out for the last few days, I took a dump this morning.\u00a0\u00a0Even a\u00a0morning dump is a\u00a0welcome development in my middle aged stressed out life.\u00a0 Unfortunately, that private and somewhat special event wasn’t private this time. As what felt like a glass studded tree stump slowly and painfully\u00a0emerge\u00a0from my rectum, I was robbed […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[5,4,3,237,238,161,77,6],"class_list":["post-30","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-theamericanmale","tag-diet","tag-exercise","tag-middle-age","tag-newspaper","tag-rectum","tag-toilet","tag-wife","tag-working-out"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=30"}],"version-history":[{"count":23,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":32,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions\/32"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=30"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=30"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=30"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}