{"id":225,"date":"2011-04-21T23:02:29","date_gmt":"2011-04-22T06:02:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/?p=225"},"modified":"2011-10-24T21:57:19","modified_gmt":"2011-10-25T04:57:19","slug":"two-nations-4-19-11","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/?p=225","title":{"rendered":"Two Nations. 4-19-11"},"content":{"rendered":"

Fat and Sloppies are an ungraceful bunch. \u00a0 Because we choose inactivity, nose to the grindstone work ethic, and tasty diet over exercise and eating right, our thighs rub and our backs are out of whack. \u00a0The physics of carrying an unwieldy blubber packet doesn’t allow us to walk a straight line either. <\/span><\/p>\n

I thought about this as I spent ten minutes watching an obese woman pathetically try to enter the hotel pool. \u00a0I noticed her uniquely shaped round cellulite body as she approached the pool deliberating on an entrance strategy. \u00a0I quietly ruminated that she isn’t the typical wealthy looking hotel client. It was heartbreaking to watch her because I imagined I might be watching my future.<\/span><\/p>\n

She wanted to\u00a0swim, but couldn’t figure out how to get into the pool. \u00a0The pool stair system in this foreign hotel was made only for thin, graceful people. \u00a0This fat woman couldn’t use the stairs. \u00a0She had to lay down on the ground and try to roll into the pool. <\/span><\/p>\n

She tried every way to lower herself into the pool.\u00a0 She couldn’t even climb down the stairs because her arms were too weak and her body was too heavy. \u00a0She held onto the metal railing trying to lower herself face first, that didn’t work. \u00a0Then she tried to lower herself butt first, but that didn’t work. \u00a0She kept slowly turning around like a dog chasing its tail. \u00a0Still she couldn’t get in.<\/p>\n

I wanted to offer help but what was I to do?\u00a0 Others watching this drama had concerned looks on their faces. \u00a0I was engrossed in real life Fat and Sloppy theater watching this woman attempting to get into the pool. \u00a0My daughter jarred me from this trance when she asked me, “Daddy, what is that lady doing?”\u00a0 Almost everyone on the pool deck had watched this spectacle.<\/p>\n

Finally, with a splat noise that fat makes when it hits wet ground, I look over and see the woman plopped down on the ground. She decided she would roll into the pool.<\/p>\n

Once she was safely in the pool, I looked up at the other people at the pool and noticed that the thin ones walk normally and the fat and sloppy ones all had something wrong with their walk.\u00a0 I’ll be verifying my theory in the next days, but I already know I’m correct; and I’ve discovered that two nations inhabit America.\u00a0 One nation wants to be thin again and the other will become Fat and Sloppy as they enter middle age.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Fat and Sloppies are an ungraceful bunch. \u00a0 Because we choose inactivity, nose to the grindstone work ethic, and tasty diet over exercise and eating right, our thighs rub and our backs are out of whack. \u00a0The physics of carrying an unwieldy blubber packet doesn’t allow us to walk a straight line either. I thought […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[4,37,25,3,36],"class_list":["post-225","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-theamericanmale","tag-exercise","tag-fat-woman","tag-hotel","tag-middle-age","tag-pool"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=225"}],"version-history":[{"count":44,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":739,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/225\/revisions\/739"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=225"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=225"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=225"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}