{"id":224,"date":"2011-04-21T02:02:11","date_gmt":"2011-04-21T09:02:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/?p=224"},"modified":"2011-05-12T12:32:58","modified_gmt":"2011-05-12T19:32:58","slug":"my-navel-4-18-11","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/?p=224","title":{"rendered":"My Navel 4-18-11"},"content":{"rendered":"

When I was thin, I used to keep my navel clean. \u00a0Lint from my t-shirts accumulates over time and gets stuck in there. <\/span>I gave up cleaning my navel years ago when I\u00a0joined the\u00a0fat and sloppy nation. I remember the frustration of not being able to get that junk out of there. I hoped my inability to clean my navel would prod me to stop eating so much. It didn’t help, and I got used to not cleaning my navel.<\/span><\/p>\n

It had been years since I thought about my navel and that I was once thin enough to clean it; until yesterday.<\/p>\n

I’m on vacation with my family and I have been swimming with my daughter every day for a week. After we got out of the pool, I was laying on the chase lounge and my daughter looks over at my stomach and says “Daddy, what’s that in your belly button?” \u00a0I hadn’t seen inside my navel in years.\u00a0 It was stuffed with junk.<\/p>\n

I told my daughter what it was and she immediately volunteered to clean it herself. \u00a0She wanted to dig her finger in there and clean it out like a nostril. \u00a0My navel isn’t like a nostril, its way bigger, and it has to be cleaned gently and carefully.\u00a0 Not only am I fat and sloppy, I’m also a delicate flower.\u00a0 I tell her “I’ll get it.” \u00a0Still, she insists, and I tell her “no” again.\u00a0 I have to quickly find a way to clean it before I lose this great viewing angle.\u00a0 This will require a potentially embarrassing public naval cleaning; something I have never done before.\u00a0 But since I’m married and fat already, I’m going for it.<\/p>\n

The only cleaning implement I had handy was hotel room key card. \u00a0I was making some cleaning progress with the edge of the card when (and this is where the embarrassing part comes in) I look up, and the beautiful 23 year old bikini clad waitress is standing\u00a0over me.\u00a0 She announces that our lunch is ready.
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

I ate my grilled chicken and french fries quickly.\u00a0 I couldn’t wait to get back to my room to clean my navel.\u00a0 There were no tweezers around, so I used the hook from my nail clippers and began dislodging years of accumulated, forgotten, hardened lint. \u00a0It took a while, but finally I got it all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I was thin, I used to keep my navel clean. \u00a0Lint from my t-shirts accumulates over time and gets stuck in there. I gave up cleaning my navel years ago when I\u00a0joined the\u00a0fat and sloppy nation. I remember the frustration of not being able to get that junk out of there. I hoped my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[26,27,25,23,18,24],"class_list":["post-224","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-theamericanmale","tag-bikini","tag-fat-and-sloppy","tag-hotel","tag-navel","tag-swimming-pool","tag-vacation"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/224","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=224"}],"version-history":[{"count":28,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/224\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":434,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/224\/revisions\/434"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=224"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=224"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=224"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}