I ate two dinners last night. I was with my wife’s family celebrating her cousin’s birthday. She has\u00a0a great\u00a0extended family. They are\u00a0warm, stick together like family should and\u00a0they like to\u00a0celebrate at restaurants.\u00a0<\/p>\n
My\u00a0gripe\u00a0is that unless we are at a buffet, (and we do\u00a0find ourselves at buffets often) it takes an hour for\u00a0her family\u00a0to decide what to eat.\u00a0 It shouldn’t be that complicated; I often wake up\u00a0having dreamt of\u00a0what I’m going to eat.\u00a0 Top that off with\u00a0their predelection for restaurants that have the slowest order time to table delivery\u00a0ratio, and\u00a0it\u00a0can take two hours to get a piece of food into my craw.<\/p>\n
Being\u00a0fat in general, uncomfortable with being\u00a0fat at a cramped table,\u00a0and\u00a0having limited social skills;\u00a0sitting at a table without food\u00a0for\u00a0a long time doesn’t work for me.\u00a0 So,\u00a0I\u00a0went outside and made some business calls (I\u00a0should have\u00a0ordered take out\u00a0delivery sent\u00a0to this slow serve restaurant). On\u00a0my way out, I spoke to the waitress and pre-ordered my meal. I told her to bring\u00a0my meal\u00a0at the same time as the other meals.\u00a0 By the way, I had\u00a0sworn an oath\u00a0to\u00a0eat\u00a0in moderation\u00a0just that morning.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/p>\n
I returned to the table after 20 minutes outside and my dinner was sitting at the table. The problem was that no one else had their\u00a0meal,\u00a0they had just finished ordering.\u00a0\u00a0 Imagine how rude\u00a0I must have looked to everyone. I\u00a0step outside for 20 minutes and my dinner is already there.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Feeling like\u00a0her family was looking at me like\u00a0an anti-social idiot, I immediately\u00a0told my wife that I would not\u00a0touch my dinner and\u00a0was waiting for the others to be served.\u00a0My commitment to decency\u00a0lasted\u00a0no more than\u00a0a minute. My wife\u00a0told me\u00a0it was OK to eat. I started\u00a0with the broccoli, telling myself\u00a0“I will only eat the broccoli, but not the other items.”\u00a0 Then, the ahi tuna steak and mashed potatoes\u00a0called my name.\u00a0\u00a0Within minutes my plate was cleaned. Feeling shame doesn’t dampen my appetite. I thought it would, but it doesn’t.<\/p>\n
Somehow, everyone else’s food was delivered shortly after that.\u00a0 The site of new food set my appitite\u00a0blazing\u00a0again, so\u00a0I started eyeballing my wife’s dinner.\u00a0 She\u00a0ate a few bites and didn’t like it.\u00a0\u00a0She saw me stalking her food and offered\u00a0it to me.\u00a0 Great, I’ll eat that.\u00a0 I\u00a0called the waitress over and had her spend no less than\u00a0five minutes\u00a0frosting my pasta with grated\u00a0parmesan cheese.\u00a0 I cleaned\u00a0my wife’s\u00a0plate just like I did\u00a0mine before.\u00a0<\/p>\n
As we were\u00a0leaving the party,\u00a0my\u00a0wife’s\u00a0attractive young 30 something cousin\u00a0leaned into me, looked at my\u00a0gut,\u00a0and said that she was planning\u00a0to throw a shower for my food baby.\u00a0\u00a0Which she said, based on my figure, would arrive\u00a0any day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I ate two dinners last night. I was with my wife’s family celebrating her cousin’s birthday. She has\u00a0a great\u00a0extended family. They are\u00a0warm, stick together like family should and\u00a0they like to\u00a0celebrate at restaurants.\u00a0 My\u00a0gripe\u00a0is that unless we are at a buffet, (and we do\u00a0find ourselves at buffets often) it takes an hour for\u00a0her family\u00a0to decide what […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[5,4,16,13,17,3,15,14],"class_list":["post-138","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-theamericanmale","tag-diet","tag-exercise","tag-family","tag-food-baby","tag-marathon","tag-middle-age","tag-over-eating","tag-restaurant"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=138"}],"version-history":[{"count":30,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":193,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/138\/revisions\/193"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=138"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=138"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/fatandsloppy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=138"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}